I'm a very emotional person. I struggle with bitter thoughts against others, trust issues and self doubt. I also have a hard time dealing with people since sometimes I think they are a negative influence. Or I just don't like what they are doing. So I usually just distance myself from them to avoid being called "masungit" or aloof. But I also don't like the effects of my staying away. I end up feeling bad about myself. I end up feeling lonely.
These anxious thoughts and insecurities are making me feel helpless and miserable. Hope you can share some thoughts on this. I'm one of those people you inspire with your blog.
God Bless you and your family. Stay happy and in love!
I think it’s great when we’re able to look inside ourselves and see that there are things that need work. Everyone struggles with kindness from time to time. Accepting this is the first step and a BIG step in my opinion. :)
Simply put, you would like to be happy.
And don’t we all strive to find the same thing?
Isn't this what drives us to do what we do day in and day out?
"How to be happy" is actually one of the most Googled philosophical phrases ever (I read this somewhere, promise. I just can't find the link. Hahaha!). I have read many articles on the science of happiness. So many studies have been conducted on it, some even reducing happiness into a scientific surety, a formula, a list of do's and don'ts, all promising positive results in the end.
And hey, they make awesome life advice!
Don’t compare, don’t surround yourself with negative people,
be content, be grateful, speak affirmations,
“fake it 'til you make it”, stay healthy, meditate, etc.
While all of these are well and good, they don’t exactly guarantee ultimate happiness. At least not for me. They give me a little jolt and a temporary high, then I'm back to my cynical overthinking self. Haha! And I think it’s because most of them are limited to introspection. Which is GREAT! Just, not enough, i guess.
Now, I'm no expert. But through the years, (and big thanks to my ever-patient husband who always inspires me to be better at doing life!), I have found that true happiness is found in GIVING and in LOVING.
You have to give of your life to other people:
Give of your time, resources, efforts, friendship and love.
You have to open yourself up to people even if it means getting hurt.
You have to live for something/someone other than yourself.
I was in the same place as you, R. Because of past experiences, I have become an expert at keeping my walls up and maintaining a “safe” emotional distance from people. Because you’re right, it IS necessary for us to surround ourselves with “good” people. People who will make us want to be better, or people who can encourage and inspire us.
But there’s a fine line between guarding your heart from “toxic” people,
and simply judging them based on a first impression,
passing all of them off as negative influences.
The thing is, we're ALL broken people. Nobody is perfect. Even if their Instagram feeds make it seem like they are, they're not. Even if they look like they’ve got everything going for them, they’re not perfect. Nobody is. We all have stuff we're battling with internally that tend to eventually surface in the form of insecurities, anxieties, defensiveness, etc.
But when you battle through the hassle of peoples imperfections,
many times that’s the only time you’ll see the good in them.
And that’s what allows them to see the good in you too. :)
God promised that if we wanted to have joy, we have to obey all of His commandments (John 15:10-14). And THE mother of all is the two-pronged commandment 1) Love God with all your heart and 2) Love your NEIGHBOR as yourself.
Nikki: *Gulp*... Lord naman eh…
Look at some of the richest people in the world. They can afford all of the possibilities that could make them happy. Yet they choose to give away most of what they have! Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Richard Branson, Elon Musk. Man, these guys must be on to something with this whole giving and loving thing! #HowToBeYouPo
I have to be honest, I’m not the best at this. Like you, I still struggle with kindness, showing love, trusting and giving people the benefit of the doubt. But I can’t keep my walls up just because I’ve been hurt by people I have opened up my life to before. I will be living a very lonely life if i did.
There really isn’t a secret to finding happiness. You just have to start looking outside of yourself for it. Love people. No matter how broken and imperfect they are. And I have no doubt in my mind, you will find the happiness that you're looking for. :)
*If you guys are in need of life advice from a know-it-all, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject "ask nikki". Don't worry, I'll keep your identity anonymous. :)